alright, alright

it is only mcdonalds in germany who know how to change a fucking life. don't hate, this looks delicious. i'll take one of each with a side of  filet o fish. gangsta.

don't allow me around your children...

because i this looks like some fun shit to me. now you can take that baby anywhere. confuckingvenient my man.

her's pretty

ms. winehouse looking successfully broke down while giving fuck me eyes to a curious onlooker. nice to see homegirl owns some alternate footwear. and her hair looks... shiny. i dunno, i think there might just be a little sparkle there.

nooooooo!!!

i really don't know how i am going to spend my days now that my dear, wonderful, vibrant friend lindsay has been sentenced to 90 days in jail! and 90 days in rehab!! what the mother fuck? is there no god!?


i'm sorry little lindsay. please don't let this moral inquisition get the best of you. you don't need no fucking rules girl. you're a pimp. flee the country! flee!

Twilight...

is a shit movie series. if you would prefer to see something more respectable this weekend and avoid getting a boner for minors i advise you to check out grown ups. 


i had fairly low expectations for this flick mostly because i typically find the praised cinematic humor (i.e. 40 yr. old virgin) to be trite, contrived, forced and unfuckingfunny. grown ups isn't going to change your life but i appreciate the cast getting together and playing the dozens for a couple of hours. good one liners, selma hayek has her boobs on and there are some children that may even make you re-think abortion. 


and i must add that adam sandler has managed to redeem himself. after that spanglish shit i wrote him off. and the hot asian chick from the real world is in a bikini most of the time. you're welcome.

You have my permission to see SATC2

I fucking hated the first SATC movie. I hated it so much that I was forced to revisit the original series to make sure I had not lost my fucking mind. What I discovered was that the movie just sucked balls and the series caught me before age 21, after which I realized all of the characters are annoying dumb hoes. 


Good news! This SATC2 shit is better. There isn't much you can do about the fucking greasy wannabes that show up at this mess. They will definitely do their damnedest to ruin the entire experience for you. Shoot them the cuntress look and you shall prevail....


The SATC2 joint stays true to the series. Fucked up chicks doing stupid fucked up things while we all watch in admiration. Idiots. I'm pretty sure ol' Carrie got a boob job. She prances around like a pigeon for the first half. Works for me! She also lounges in $7,000 couture dresses every other scene. What's great about this is the drones watch the fashion and try to emulate. I cannot wait for some dumb broad to try to buy the 'nightgown' Carrie wears in the movie only to find out it cost half her annual salary. Booyakasha!


It's no Mean Girls either, so don't get your hopes up. But these bitches are entertaining for the alloted time. Oh, and Samantha got fat. Enjoy!

Hood rat stuff

we remember that fat 7 year old who stole his grandma's car and went out to do hood rat stuff with his friends.... he was choked to death last night by this gangsta!!!!





hell to the yes. get me this kid's number. we goin out.

These bitches are hos

i'm pretty sure i saw them on girls gone wild...

I won't fall for your trickery

lady gaga confused all of the fucking musicians in the world. everyone wants to run around in a leotard and some cheap ass ho gear. whatthefuckever as long as your are doing the shit full out, you feel me? it is obvious to me that rhianna got the broke down sears version of this get up. look closely my friends, homegirl's leotard is attached to some leggs pantyhose. real talk. if you are going to rock some rubber ass leotard i better be on the verge of seeing vag. this bitch gave us the disney version.

We ruin everything

if 2012 happens we deserve it.

nasty nast.

what the hell is that? a boat for fleas? why is it so small? wait a minute... why is that huge ass oil explosion so big??? dammit.

oil clumps, man. oil. clumps.

I'll tell you what you need...

jeffrey campbell shoes. all of them. they are amazing and you will look much better. you're welcome.


a few of the offerings...

i know what you're thinking... i don't deserve this. and you're right, you don't. take your broke ass to
http://www.shopstyle.com/browse/Jeffrey-Campbell
or 
http://www.solestruck.com/jeffrey-campbell-womens-shoes/page-1/ 
for the good shit. then, maybe you're friends will respect you. i'm not promising anything.

Lindsay Lohan is a wonderful human being

i fucking love this girl. i love mean girls. i love cigarettes. i love partying and long hair and lesbians and djs and broken homes and black leggings and dui convictions followed by kidnapping charges. lindsay is the best. she is my friend. and this is a trailer for her next movie. don't close your fucking eyes or you will miss her. she is the nun. bow down. preach lindsay, preach.



i kind of think that machete guy is hot. i have daddy issues. sue me.

Stop. Doing. That.

i apologize in advance for this fuckery. i'm not saying you don't deserve it. cover your ears and clench your asshole because tom and kate plus humility are about to ruin your cinco de mayo.

Skinny jeans will get you raped

some 23 year-old australian genius was acquitted of rape today after the jury ruled that the victim could not have been sexually assaulted while wearing skinny jeans. these bitches pretty much ruled that it is impossible for a woman to remove her skinny jeans without assistance. therefore, our aussie boy was simply helping her out. thanks for the assistance and the sodomy dude. glad you could lend a helping hand. this shit is awesome.


so when you slip on your tight ass ho jeans and go out for a night on the town your ass better expect to be the victim of a good samaritan. get it while you can ladies. you know your luther eating ass won't last long in that get up anyway.


mmmm.... they look like they need help...

and for more on this story of dreams

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/worldnews/article-1270113/Youre-guilty-rape-Those-skinny-jeans-tight-remove-jury-rules.html 

Beyonce smokes and drinks martinis

she also wears some fucking killer heels and shakes her ass in lingerie. if you do not enjoy this then you are a hater and beyonce will never be your friend. neither will jay-z. kill yourself.


however, i must admit that this song (co-writen by her irrelevant sister, solange) sounds like some crazy talk. why don't you love me? you don't give head man, and you only let me in the back door once. 



"Why Don't You Love Me" - Beyoncé from Beyoncé on Vimeo.

The Met Gala

this dress is the color of the faux period blood they use in tampax commercials. surely i am not the only person who recognizes this. 

well, usher was among the 5 minorities that got an invite to this fiesta. it seems homeboy got a little confused though. like, why is he all hugged up on this old ass white lady? you're rich honey, go find amber rose and call it a day.

blake lively looks a little concerned that her show may be canceled soon. she counters this by looking like a hot slut. i'll take it. well done.

the cool kids were invited! m.i.a, alexander wang, zoe kravitz. they sat them at the kiddie table and fed them double downs from kfc. 

margherita missoni. i have deep love for this italian broad. she's like a little rich hippy goddess. i don't even care that her dress may or may not be on backwards. i'll keep my eye out for some boob slippage. 10 bucks says one of those little mosquito bites just slips right out the side...

elvis you are not. riley keough. this bitch is good looking. and she has the best date ever. thakoon is one of the most wonderful little men you will ever lay your precious eyes on.

christina hendrix, thank you for brining your large tits out for the evening. i would like to give her a full frontal hug.

anne hathaway, your disney career has come and gone. stop dressing like a fucking 5 year old. this isn't ella enchanted god dammit. get a hold of yourself.

nice to see vera wang has decided to get all hot on us. way to go vera, now you get to hang out with mila kunis. deserving you are not.

one of my favorites. congrats to elizabeth banks for making it clear that she will sleep with anyone at the party. something about lace covered legs and feathers that really turn me the fuck on  you know?

check out
 http://www.style.com/peopleparties/parties/thumb/redcarpet-050310_Costume_Institute_Gala/
...for more of this business